Nov 45 min read

The Power of Vulnerability: Why Leaders Need to Bring Their Whole Self to Work

Updated: 2 days ago

Hi Readers,

I invite you to read this newsletter with an open heart and mind. See what comes up for you.

In this issue, we’ll explore why vulnerability isn’t a weakness but a leader’s secret sauce.

Why Leaders Need Vulnerability

I start with a quote by Brene Brown in her book, ‘Dare To Lead’.

“Today we pay a lot of lip service to the idea of ‘bringing your whole self to work’ - yet the organisations that actually allow employees to do that are few and far between. I don’t see a tremendous amount of meaningful, actionable support for integration and wholeheartedness in most companies. The slogan is easy. The behaviours to support the slogan are not.”

What we are talking about here is bringing all of your emotions to work. Not leaving any part behind, and not putting on a ‘work mask’ each morning.

I know and I understand this happens in reality A LOT. I too have experienced this, even as a Clinical Psychologist - the irony.

What I want us to focus on are the benefits of being emotionally open and vulnerable in the workplace. We have stifled humanity in office culture, and this has impacted on our interactions and relationships. As Brene says, “when we imprison the heart, we kill courage”.

The truth is that the more we try to control our emotions, the more they control us. They will always be there - they are the most vital data we have for decisions we have to make.

I use the beach ball analogy to help illustrate this point. The same thing happens when we try to push our emotions away or push the beach ball under water. They pop right back up, and often even stronger than before.

There is no running away from how we feel. No human is capable of this, no matter how it looks. Our emotions and experiences are held within our bodies and minds no matter what we try to do about that.

Strong defense mechanisms can have us believe we are no longer impacted, or never were, by certain events. These often unconscious coping mechanisms can work short term - they are supposed to. Examples of defense mechanisms include humour, denial, projection, intellectualising, repression and displacement.

I want you to think back to any conversations you may have had with friends or family, when one person has disclosed or spoke openly about anything causing them distress or difficulties - so when they have been vulnerable. I choose this example because most people have had this experience in their personal life, but not necessarily at work.

Do you notice what happens within this dynamic?

Often, when one person opens up emotionally (demonstrates vulnerability) it acts as an open invitation for others to do the same. It is almost like handing over the metaphorical vulnerability baton and saying ‘your go’.

This is exactly the same scenario that works as a leader, colleague and employee. We are the same person in different environments, masquerading as (what we see) as the safest version to make visible to others.

Vulnerability in the workplace encourages humanity, openness, courage, expressing all emotions (not just ‘positive’ ones).

The research clearly shows that leaders who demonstrate vulnerability foster greater connection, trust, growth, and resilience within their teams and beyond. Truly vulnerable leaders will have a positive ripple effect on organisational culture, sending the message to all around that mistakes, vulnerability and ‘bad days’ are acceptable here. We will not reject you for being imperfect or for bringing your whole self to work. Here is an interesting article to explore this topic further https://www.ddiworld.com/blog/vulnerable-leadership.

On a daily basis, vulnerability may translate to Jim being late to work because he is his father’s main carer. He often arrives to work emotional and exhausted. His caring role is such a significant part of his life right now, that we cannot expect him to ‘leave that at home’ anymore (see pic of the ironic doormat I bought). Of course, we still need to be able to function and do the job. Aside from anything else though, Jim needs to be able to express these difficult emotions at work and feel understood in the full context of his life. Otherwise, we are simply kidding ourselves.

Personal Reflections on Vulnerable Leadership

Thinking back on my own experiences of leaders, the ones who showed their vulnerable side were so much easier to connect with, and to share my less glamorous work moments with, let’s say. As a Trainee Clinical Psychologist, we were constantly monitored and assessed, which definitely made me feel extremely vulnerable. At that time, it felt as if my fate was in that one leader’s hands - they could ‘pass or fail’ me. The ones who were human, ‘messy’, sometimes disorganised, and who shared at least some of their personal life, had me worrying significantly less about ‘passing’. They were relatable, balanced, measured and human.

Those leaders who made my life feel very difficult, often had the facade of ‘having it altogether’. Very little admission of anxiety, mistakes, or stress at home. These leaders made me feel I could not live up to their (visible) standards. Those were the times I could not give my best.

Oh, and speaking of VULNERABLE, I have recently started a series of 1 Minute Leadership videos on YouTube. Video feels exposing, but it also feels authentic. There is no editing and no filters. It is just me talking for 1 minute on topics related to leader wellbeing, compassionate leadership and psychological safety at work. My video library is steadily building and I hope they are useful snippets for busy leaders.

The link to my channel is https://youtube.com/@leadershipin1minute?si=efYNmO8F8t8fHkBR. Take a look.

Practical Application for Leaders - How To Be A Vulnerable Leader

Admit Mistakes Publicly
Seek Input on Decisions
Model Emotional Openness
Encourage Vulnerability in Others

I encourage all of you to take steps towards vulnerable leadership, by leading with an open heart and welcoming all emotions that you experience. You really will see how this inspires and positively impacts those around you.

We love to connect with others who seem truly human, relatable, and real.

Thanks for reading all, and do take care,

Elaine

Dr Elaine Smith

Clinical Psychologist

#VulnerabilityInLeadership

#AuthenticLeadership

#EmotionalIntelligence

#TrustInTheWorkplace

#WorkplaceCulture

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I am Dr Elaine Smith and I specialise in Compassionate Leadership.